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Writer's pictureRenwick Brutus

Do You Lead Others the Way You Lead Yourself—or the Way You’ve Been Led?

Leadership is a complex and deeply personal journey. As you grow into leadership roles, you may find yourself asking: Am I leading others the way I lead myself, or the way I have been led? The answer to this question is significant, as it can reveal patterns and behaviors that shape your leadership style. Both approaches—leading by personal example or by the models of leadership you’ve experienced—carry their own risks and rewards. But when does this leadership become an asset, and when does it become a potential danger?


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Leading Others the Way You Lead Yourself: The Power of Authenticity

“You can’t lead others until you first lead yourself.” This old adage has been echoed by countless leadership experts, including Stephen Covey, who emphasizes personal responsibility as the foundation for effective leadership in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. When you lead others based on how you lead yourself, you draw from a place of authenticity, personal discipline, and clarity of purpose.


Gallup research has shown that leaders who act with authenticity and align their actions with their core values are more trusted and respected by their teams​. There’s immense power in showing your team that you live by the principles you preach, as this inspires them to do the same. Your team sees the consistency in your actions and recognizes that you’re not asking them to do anything you wouldn’t do yourself.


However, this approach carries risks. Leading others based solely on how you lead yourself can result in narrow leadership. What works for you might not work for others. For example, if you’re someone who thrives under pressure and tight deadlines, you may inadvertently expect your team to perform well under the same conditions, even if they operate best with more structure and time. According to McKinsey, this lack of adaptability can lead to burnout and disengagement in your team​.


Leading the Way You’ve Been Led: Borrowing from the Past

The way we’ve been led often leaves a lasting imprint on our leadership style. Many leaders replicate the behaviors and strategies of their previous managers, both good and bad. This approach can work if you’ve been fortunate enough to have strong, empowering mentors. In these cases, adopting their leadership practices can serve as a solid foundation.


But there’s a risk here, too. In the movie Whiplash, the intense music instructor pushes his student to extremes, believing that pressure and criticism are the only ways to cultivate greatness. While his methods are extreme, the film highlights a critical danger: replicating the leadership styles of those who’ve come before you without considering whether those approaches are suitable for your team.


Harvard Business Review warns that when leaders blindly mimic past leadership styles, they may perpetuate outdated or ineffective practices​. Just because a tough-love approach worked for you doesn’t mean it will motivate everyone. Instead, it could create a toxic environment, especially if team members need more encouragement and empathy to thrive.


The Dangers of Rigid Leadership Styles

Both leading by your own example and adopting the leadership styles you’ve experienced can lead to rigidity. When you fail to consider the unique needs, motivations, and personalities of your team members, you risk becoming a one-size-fits-all leader. As Deloitte points out in its leadership research, flexibility is crucial to team success. Leaders who adapt their style to meet the needs of their team see higher levels of engagement and performance​.


Take, for example, the iconic quote from The Lord of the Rings: “Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.” It reminds us that greatness comes in many forms, and leadership should be flexible enough to harness the strengths of all team members, not just those who resemble ourselves or our past leaders.


The Importance of Empathy and Individualization

Leading others the way you lead yourself can feel empowering because it creates a clear, consistent standard. But it’s also important to remember that not everyone shares your strengths, your weaknesses, or your perspectives. Brené Brown notes in Dare to Lead that empathy is one of the most critical tools a leader can have​. When you take the time to understand how each of your team members best responds to challenges, you tailor your leadership style to meet their specific needs.


Gallup’s research on leadership individualization emphasizes the power of seeing each person as unique, rather than trying to mold them into a leader’s image​. When you lead with empathy and individualization, you meet people where they are, not where you want them to be.


The Risks of Unquestioned Leadership Models

Perhaps one of the most dangerous aspects of leading based on how you’ve been led is the tendency to avoid questioning the leadership methods you’ve absorbed. As McKinsey points out, self-awareness is one of the most important traits of a successful leader. If you lead without evaluating the effectiveness of your approach, you may fall into the trap of perpetuating ineffective, or even harmful, behaviors​.


For instance, if you’ve always worked under leaders who prioritize results at any cost, you may carry this attitude into your own leadership. While this drive for performance might have served your former bosses well, it can alienate your team, leading to high turnover or low morale.


Creating Your Own Leadership Path

So, what’s the alternative? It’s essential to blend personal leadership with adaptability. As Harvard Business Review notes, the most effective leaders are those who continually evaluate and evolve their leadership styles​. Instead of leading solely by your own methods or replicating the styles you’ve experienced, create a hybrid approach. Adapt to your team’s needs, drawing on your own strengths while also remaining open to new leadership models and practices.


In the words of Bruce Lee, “Adapt what is useful, reject what is useless, and add what is specifically your own.” This applies perfectly to leadership. It’s about creating a style that’s not rigid or borrowed but dynamic and responsive.


Leading from Authenticity and Flexibility

Do you lead others the way you lead yourself, or the way you’ve been led? Both approaches can serve you well, but only if balanced with empathy, self-awareness, and adaptability. Leadership isn’t a matter of imposing your style or copying others—it’s requires creating an environment where everyone can thrive based on their unique strengths. By blending personal leadership with an openness to learning, questioning, and evolving, you become a leader who motivates and inspires.


As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” True leadership doesn’t follow—it forges its own way, while empowering others to do the same.


Renwick Brutus' career has spanned roles as research economist, investment advisor, entrepreneur and consultant. He holds an MBA from Fordham University and has been recognized for his outstanding achievement in sales and business leadership. Today, Renwick applies his unique blend of business strategy and interpersonal skills to help individuals prosper and companies grow. He owns multiple companies and is in great demand to consult with business leaders. Contact him by email  and LinkedIn.


References:

  1. Covey, Stephen. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Free Press, 1989.

  2. Gallup. The State of the American Workplace. 2017.

  3. McKinsey & Company. The Importance of Self-Awareness in Leadership. 2020.

  4. Harvard Business Review. Why Leadership Styles Need to Evolve. 2021.

  5. Deloitte. Leadership Trends: Adapting to Meet the Needs of a Dynamic Workforce. 2020.

  6. Brown, Brené. Dare to Lead. Random House, 2018.

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